The Mirror Slosh'd
by ESM
Summary: What Happened When the Fellowship Sloshed Galadriel's Mirror.
1. 01

A/N: Yes, this is slightly embarrassing. My first fanfic, unabridged. Sure, I could touch it up it, but the concept is so dumb why bother? This is for somebody who'd like to see how far I've come over the last couple years. I admit it has several touches of typical ESM humor betwixt all the typical ESM adolescent idiocy... At any rate, feel free to MST this, (not on , of course!) and send me the link. :)   
  
What Happened When the Fellowship Sloshed Galadrial's Mirror 

A Time-Travel

Part 1

It was a fairly warm afternoon in Lothlorien a couple weeks after Celeborn and Galadrial welcomed the Fellowship. They were bored. Legolas had given up trying to teach Gimli decent archery in despair, while Aragorn had pumped the Elves dry of anecdotes of Arwen. Merry finally accepted the dismal fact that carrots were unheard of in the forest, and Boromir refused to lose yet another game of chess to random "peasant" Elves. The other three hobbits had been solemnly evicted from the ladies'-in-waiting weaving flets. Despondently, the eight fellows tossed ideas around.

"I know, we can make up our own Lament for Gandalf," Gimli said. Boromir looked at him wryly.

"Do you know how many I've heard in the last two weeks? Forty-four. Galadrial had to tell them to stop! A morose folk these tree-dwelling people are, to be sure." he finished. Legolas growled a retort nobody heard. Merry brightened.

"How about building our own flet?" Sam turned green at the thought.

"No good. Wood is being rationed this season." Gimli informed him.

"Then I've got a better idea: let's dig a hole!" Pippin seemed certain everyone would agree, but Aragorn, Boromir Legolas and Gimli stared at him incredulously.

"_What_ kind of fun is that?" Aragorn demanded.

"We'd be the laughing-stock of the forest!" added Legolas. "Imagine the names they would call us! "Dwarf and hole-dweller" and..."he stopped at catching sight of Gimli's dangerous glower. Pippin retreated to Merry's side, crushed. The hobbits sat glumly. Boromir sighed and plucked blades of grass and pretended two were warriors engaged in a lethal battle. Legolas said,

"I hear there's a choir we could join..." Aragorn cut him off.

"You know Gimli can't carry a tune!" Gimli was about to avenge his honor when Frodo jumped up.

"Let's go look in Galadrial's Mirror." The others wondered if they had heard right.

"I suppose it might be an adventure to get up to her dressing-room-"began Boromir.

"No, not that kind of mirror," said Frodo vigorously. "It's a basin of water she showed Sam and I yesterday." Sam looked vaguely worried, and the others vaguely interested.

"Um, Mr. Frodo, I don't think we should-"

"Nonsense, Sam. It'll be quite interesting. Anyway, it can show practically anything. Why, last night Sam saw Hobbiton, and I saw the Sea in a great storm and a little ship sailing out of it with a flag of the White Tree..." Aragorn got to his feet.

"Alright, Galadrial's Mirror it is."

"Mr. Frodo, I really don't think-not without invitation-"but the Fellowship was already following Frodo's lead to the secret hollow. Sam tagged along disconsolately.

"Here we are!" Frodo pointed at the silver basin." Look, she hasn't emptied it."

A little over-awed now that they were actually there, Aragorn and Boromir cautiously inspected the water.

"I don't see anything," reported Boromir uncertainly. The Hobbits and Gimli edged nearer. Legolas hung back trying to keep a shred of Elven decency about himself, but rationalized that no one could expect him to be on his best behavior after being with these mortals for so long, and curiosity overcame him. They all crowded round.

"I think I see something!" proclaimed Pippin finally." It looks like....like...like a frog!" eagerly he reached in. Too eagerly, for he sloshed most of the water out and all over the excited Companions.

For a moment they all felt a slight vertigo, but it quickly cleared. What was really more perturbing was the roaring noise that assailed their ears, and the unbearably heavy, noisome air. Legolas coughed.

"Air! Give me air! I'm being poisoned!" he choked dramatically, only he wasn't joking. Pretty soon the others were coughing too. Aragorn, the Ranger, surveyed the alarming environment between chokes. He saw monstrous structures that seemed to scrape the muggy sky. A silvery object with wings it did not flap sailed through the muck. On a more earthly level, they were standing on a strip of dirty grayish-white stone. Only a few feet away shiny, wheeled objects of many shapes and sizes crawled past without the aid of brute force. There seemed to be a million. The others had more or less stopped coughing and were also inspecting the surroundings.

"This is NOT Middle-Earth." declared Boromir emphatically and unnecessarily. Merry pointed at the tall buildings. Sam groaned.

"And I was complaining about a flet!" he muttered. Legolas, still wheezing, spotted a sickly-looking sapling in a planter some distance away. He nearly wept.

"This is Mordor," said Frodo in awe, contradicting Boromir shamelessly.

"It is?" Pippin said faintly. "Then all we have to do is find Mt. Doom and throw the Ring in." Frodo gasped, feeling about his neck frantically for the chain.

"The Ring! It's gone!" Instantly the Fellowship started talking worriedly and all at once.

Where is it?" "Did it stay in Lorien?" "Are you sure it's gone?" "Maybe it fell, look on the ground." Frodo rummaged in his pockets. He whistled in relief.

"Here it is, I forgot I put it in my pocket last night when...oh never mind."

"Don't ever do that again, Frodo!" cried Aragorn. There was a collective sigh.

"Well, we wanted to do something," remarked Gimli. Sam groaned again.

"What's the matter, Sam?" asked Frodo.

"I forgot to bring my pack with the cooking supplies."


	2. 02

Aragorn led them down city block after city block. They found that great care needed to be taken of the Hobbits or they were liable to be jostled away. Few people seemed to take any notice of the Fellowship's strange clothes and extremely varied statures beyond a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe there are Hobbits somewhere around here," remarked Frodo hopefully, recognizing this. A businesswoman in four inch stiletto heels passed them, smoking a cigarette and chatting gaily on a cell phone. Legolas had another fit of coughing.

"That is worse than the stuff you and Aragorn smoke all the time!" he exclaimed to the Hobbits. They agreed.

In spite of the uneasy situation, none of the Fellowship's tongues were any less busy than usual. Merry, Aragorn and Boromir made a game out of trying to guess the purpose of various structures and objects, in which the others joined in from time to time. Boromir deciphered streetlights fairly quickly, and secretly resolved to encourage their introduction into Minas Tirith should Aragorn ever become king. A store on the corner happened to be a barber's shop. Aragorn had to drag Legolas and Gimli away from the window, where they were studying the remarkably short and exotic hairstyles pictured on both men and women. Since there was a salon almost every other block, he was kept quite busy. Bakeries were also extremely attractive to the hobbits, though they claimed even the smells declared the poor quality of the goods, as compared to hobbit baking. But, by watching out for each other, they arrived safely in the real retail district, far away from the dizzying 50-story office buildings.

"Well, at least someone was trying to bring a little beauty to this desert," said Legolas. A water fountain surrounded by palm trees, a variety of flowers and a bit of lawn was certainly a relief to the eyes.

"What say we rest a bit here?" suggested Boromir. "The air in this place is decidedly energy sapping." Wearily the hobbits flopped on the grass, while the taller members of the fellowship sat on a low wall. Merry noticed Pippin looked pale.

"Are you alright, Pip?" he asked concernedly. Pippin looked back at him mournfully.

"No! I'm hungry, and sick, and tired, and we're in a strange place where there are no Hobbits or even Elves and everything smells so and it doesn't even seem like Middle-Earth at all! Why did we ever come here?" he moaned. Boromir was rather ruffled at his race not being on the preferred list, but he didn't say anything.

"Well, at least you aren't wet," said Sam semi-cheerfully. At that instant, several silver pipes popped out of the ground. Before Merry could say, "What's that?" the stunned 0Fellowship was drenched.

"What was that?" exclaimed Gimli after the sprinklers disappeared.

"I don't know," replied Boromir irately.

"This is all your fault, Frodo!" Legolas cried. Frodo was flabbergasted.

"Mine! What-- Pippin splashed the Mirror!"

"Well, if you hadn't told us about it, we wouldn't have come," Boromir retorted, taking Pippin's side.

"Yes, and if the Lady Galadrial hadn't shown Frodo, he couldn't have shown us. Let's not start blaming each other." Aragorn silenced them." Come, it's all wet here now, we will move on."

Belatedly the travelers continued their pointless tramp. Suddenly Aragorn stopped in front of a Barnes & Noble.

"What's the matter, Strider?" asked Frodo.

"Nothing's the matter. It's just, I've never seen so many books in my life!" The others looked too in wonder, but Merry strolled over to the opposite window, and gasped.

"Come over here, now!" he cried." Look at this!" he ordered when they came.

"_The Lord of the Rings ...The Fellowship of the Ring... The Two Towers... The Return of the King...The Hobbit...The Silmarillion_," read Frodo slowly.

"This is queer and no mistake!" said Sam. "Do you suppose they've had a Dark Lord too?"

"Nothing for it but to ask inside." suggested Merry, but Aragorn was already in the door, with Legolas and Boromir on his heels. There was a closed sign on the door.


	3. 03

There was only one person in the store, the manager, and she was just finishing stacking books in preparation for shutting up for the night. Her displeasure at being interrupted was quickly superseded by amazement at the peculiar personages assembled before her. She clapped her hand over her mouth and shrieked. Then she tried to laugh it off.

"Oh my gosh, you guys gave me the thrill of the century. For a second I thought you were for reals. My name is Chrysies, I was just closing up but if there is anything I can do for you..." Aragorn had vainly tried to interrupt her breathless reel.

"Lady," he said when she finally paused. "Could you tell us the meaning of the titles in the window?" Chrysies looked at him with an uncomfortable laugh.

"Aw, c'mon, you know what it's all about perfectly well." Boromir protested feebly.

"Listen, joke's over okay?" she snapped, then relaxed." Did my brother send you here? He knows I'm a L-O-T-R fanatic. I'll have to send him Sir Lancelot next April Fools. Where'd you get the midgets?" referring to Fordo, Sam, Merry and Pippin who had gotten lost amongst racks and shelves. "Terrific hobbits they make, that's for sure. Say, maybe you could give me the name of your costume designer. I've been dying for an outfit like your Legolas' since I was 11. Woops, that's the 5 o'clock chime, time to really close. Really, you guys are absolutely perfect." Bewildered by the steady flow of talk, which reminded Aragorn irrepressibly of Barliman Butterbur, the Fellowship reluctantly allowed themselves to be herded out the door. Chrysies pulled down the steel door and locked it.

"That didn't help much," said Legolas.

"No, it didn't," agreed Aragorn grimly.

"We aren't any closer to getting back to Lorien," said Legolas.

"No, we aren't," agreed Aragorn.

"How are we going to fulfill our Quest? We are in a pickle, as Sam says," said Legolas

"Yes, we are." agreed Aragorn.

"Would you two stop!" cried Boromir, feeling very offended, but not knowing just why.

"Sure." assented Aragorn languidly. An alarm went off. Seven of them jumped.

"Where's Gimli?" asked Boromir suspiciously, glancing around.

"I'm right here!" cried the Dwarf irately. It's Merry who's missing!"

"Oh, what is he doing now?" grumbled Aragorn. "Touching things without call."

Indeed, Merry, fascinated by all the cars, had found a red one parked nearby. Not quite conscious of doing it, he peered in the window, and accidentally touched it. He was just as astonished as the others at the sudden noise, and retreated. Aragorn grabbed him by the collar grimly.

"Meriadoc Brandybuck, if you don't behave I shall leave you behind in Lorien when we get back." Mr. Brandybuck thought it a very unjust punishment for a first offense, but said nothing. Frodo distracted them.

"Look, isn't that Miss Chrysies? No, up there going towards the bench." A bus stopped, emitting a cloud of black exhaust right into their faces. Legolas sneezed repeatedly. Holding his breath, Aragon strode up to Chrysies.

"Oh, you're still here? Taking the bus?" she asked cheerfully.

"What is a 'bus'?" asked Aragorn, confused at the moment. Chrysies pointed at the Greyhound. "No, I want to know what those books are about." Chrysies sighed.

"Don't you know? The Lord of the Rings is Sauron," Chrysies played along. Aragorn nodded cautiously. "The Fellowship is Gandalf, Frodo, Aragorn, Boromir, Merry, Pippin, Legolas and Gimli. Speaking of which where is Gandalf? The Two Towers I still haven't figured out-Orthanc and Barad-dur or Minas Morgul and Minas Tirith, etc, etc. The Return of the King is, well, Aragorn's the King. Who are you?"

"The King without a kingdom," said Aragorn.

"And I'm a hungry hobbit!" said a little voice at his side." That's Frodo, and that's my cousin-"

"Pippin!" cried Aragorn in dismay. The bus drove away, but Chrysies didn't seem to care.

"The Ringbearer, eh? I've always wondered if I'd be able to resist the power of the Ring. Do you have it here?" There was no sign of her previous skepticism.

"Yes," said Aragorn slowly, not sure exactly what drove him to say it. Frodo, unaware of the exchange, strolled up to join him and Pippin.

"Frodo," said Chrysies. "Would you bring out the Ring, please?" Startled, Frodo backed away. Aragorn stopped him mysteriously.

"Show her, Frodo." he whispered. Reluctantly, Frodo removed the Ring from his neck. Chrysies watched it silently, clenched her fists, then murmured,

"It's real!" Then out loud she said, "Put it away, but stay right there!" Frodo instantly replaced the Ring, while Chrysies rummaged her purse furiously, and dialed.

"Hello, Alex? Listen, I-"she turned away a few steps.

"What's going on?" asked Boromir, arriving on the scene with the others.

"Shh!" hushed Aragorn. Chrysies hung up and came back.

"Alright, guys! You're coming home with me!" The Fellowship looked at each other.

"Can we trust her?" whispered Frodo, but Chrysies knew very well what they were saying.

"Yes you can. Wait'll you see my house." she chuckled." And there'll be lot's of food."

"Food?" cried the hobbits simultaneously.

"Is there any other option?" asked Aragorn of his companions.

"We're taking the bus." Said Chrysies. She looked toward the curb. "Hey, where'd it go? Dang!"


	4. 04

The next bus was nearly full. Aragorn let Chrysies sit in the very last seat, while he stood up.

"Hang on to that pole," she advised. Merry and Pippin managed to sit together. After the initial jolt, Merry began to actually enjoy himself.

"But I still want to ride in one of those red ones," he told Pippin confidentially.

"Look at Strider," grinned Pippin, discreetly turning his face away. The future king was hanging on for dear life.

That looks like fun!" reflected Merry. "I'm gonna try it!" Frodo, who was sitting in front, overheard him.

"Merry, you're three and a half feet tall in a city of Big People and you're guarding the Ring. For heaven's sake try to keep a low profile!" Merry ignored the ironic admonition. Soon he was being jounced around with Strider, and gained several glares as well as chuckles, until at last his grip on the pole loosened, and a sudden halt threw him against Aragorn, who was himself unsteady, and the pair of them toppled into another man's newspaper. Instantly Chrysies was on her feet and hustling the apologetic pair off the bus. The others followed snickering.

"Well, you've really put your feet into it this time," she quoted." Or should I say your back sides?" Frodo thought the phrase sounded vaguely familiar, but Aragorn grimaced.

"I told you so," said Frodo pompously. Merry glared at him, then laughed. Chrysies pointed at a three-story apartment complex up ahead.

"That's where I live, with my husband, on the top story." She saw the hobbit's faces.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she chuckled. "I forgot you don't like heights." Merry shrugged.

"I don't mind them so much," he said.

"Nor me," added Pippin trying to look brave.

"Well come on up, then." She smiled encouragingly.

The Fellowship followed her up two flights of stairs and then down a hall. She threw open the door and ushered them in, but couldn't help doing a little jig of glee and making a few faces at the opposite door (inhabited by a non-fanatic) before entering herself.

"Alex should be home in half an hour with the groceries. Make yourselves comfortable and I'll get you a bite to eat before dinner." The Fellowship stared about them in surprise. Merry sat on the leather couch with Boromir and Aragorn. Gimli sank into a recliner. Legolas stood.

"That looks an awful lot like the Ring on the mantelpiece," Sam whispered to Frodo. Chrysies heard, and ducked into the refrigerator stifling a laugh. Uncertainly, Frodo took out the Ring. It made a noise.

"S-Sam, did you just hear the Ring say something?" Sam wrinkled his nose.

"I heard something, Mr. Frodo. Why?"

"I think it said something."

"What?"

"'Imposter,'" Sam chuckled.

"Jealous, It is." Chrysies came up behind them.

"Would you like to wash up? Come on back." Obediently, the eight travelers followed her to the bathroom, but at that moment the doorbell chimed.

"Oh, he's early!" cried Chrysies happily, and rushed back to the door.

"Hail, my Evenstar!" said a man's voice when she opened it. "I've got the food!" Chrysies planted a kiss on his cheek and took some of the plastic grocery bags, nearly tripping over the weight.

"You sure know Hobbits!" she muttered to herself.

Alex turned to his visitors. "Mae govannen! Chrysies tells me you've been tramping about the city-look at you, you're all wet!" He was commenting mainly on Legolas, who had been right in front of one of the sprinklers. Chrysies stopped her rush to get the steaks out of their impossible packaging long enough to exclaim

"I'm so sorry! I didn't notice. Too excited, most probably. I was just going to have them wash up when you arrived. Get them some clothes, will you, Alex?" Alex was already guiding the eight of them to the bathroom.

"This, my friends, is a bathroom." Alex declared dramatically. With the inherent instinct of a hobbit, Pippin headed straight for the tub, a monstrous affair. Merry was close behind.

"I could go swimming in this practically!" he exclaimed. Feeling quite the showman, Alex turned on the hot water faucet.

"Observe! Hot water in instants! Go on, put your hand under, Pippin." Pippin experimented, and quickly withdrew them. "Ouch!" Alex left the water running and turned their attention to the other facilities, but the hobbits kept inching back to the tub. By the time Alex had finished explaining various hair products to Legolas and Gimli (not without the rapt attention of the Men, however) the bath was full and Alex discreetly switched on the Jacuzzi. Amid cries of astonishment and fear he demonstrated the safety by putting his own legs in. After that, all eight of them wanted to try it.

"Not now, tomorrow. There'll be dinner soon. Let's get you fellows some clothes!"

Rummaging in his closet, Alex tossed shirt after shirt after shorts after jeans out onto the bed.

"I think-what's your name-oh, you're Boromir? I'm Alex, unless you want to call me Elendil-private joke, haha-"They didn't catch the joke. "I think you'll fit in my old shirts-the ones before I made up my mind to slim down-no offense-"but Boromir didn't seem to take any. "Aragorn-yes, this outfit will work. Legolas-hmm it'll be big around the waist but-now Gimli" Alex scratched his head." Don't know as I have anything that will work for you, friend dwarf." Boromir snickered. Alex heard him and grinned, but for a different reason. Legolas felt Gimli's clothes, to the Dwarf's great indignation.

"That is alright, his clothes are pretty dry now," Alex ran his hand over Gimli.

"So they are. Phew! Next! Haha, I have just the thing for you hobbits. Chrysies is gonna SCREAM! Now, I've must help with dinner, so you get dressed, but don't come out till I come back. Oh, and Legolas," Alex took a comb out of his pocket before he shut the door and tossed it to the Elf, who inspected it with great interest.ï


	5. 05

Alone in the bedroom, the Fellowship was endeavoring to put on their clothes.

"They really aren't too different," said Frodo, struggling with some long (for him) gym shorts. He was actually referring to Aragorn's striped polo.

"Of course not," replied Legolas authoritatively. "There are only so many modes of apparel; the rest is made up of details. Observe: each progressive generation will add a frill or tuck or sleeve until the clothes are more drapery than practical covering. Then Man, with his short memory, will subtract a frill or tuck or sleeve until he returns to the original basic style and says it is new, thereby starting the cycle starts over again." Legolas finished pulling his tank top and jeans on.

"I have no idea what he meant by that and what it has to do with my remark, but oh well," muttered Frodo under his breath.

"I think you need a belt, Leggy," observed Gimli thoughtfully. Sniffing indignantly, the Elf took his own belt, and turned to his hair. Pippin, now completely dressed and somewhat bored again, idly looked up at the ceiling.

"Merry?" From a struggling mess of clothing his cousin answered.

"What?"

"Look at the ceiling."

"Can't right now!"

"Frodo?" Pippin tried again. Frodo sank to the floor. "I am so tired." he yawned. "What do you want?"

"Look at the ceiling." Frodo clasped his hands behind his head and slipped into a reclining position. By now everyone was looking at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?....what is **that**?!"

"Looks like small humans hiding under a tree root to me!" answered Merry.

"Why are they hiding under a root? And why is that massive black shape crouching over them. And why does this picture look so real and why is it on the ceiling?" demanded Pippin. Aragorn looked at him. He was thinking of Gandalf.

"I don't know. Ask Alex."

There was a tap on the door, and Alex snuck in.

"Almost dinner time. How are you doing?"

"I guess just fine," answered Aragorn. "Frodo is tired."

"But I see you all managed the clothes alright," Alex smiled. Pippin, overcome with curiosity, repeated his questions. Alex paused for a second.

"Because, my dear hobbit, your story has been made into a movie-a moving, talking picture, and to save time on a very long film they put Mr. Brandybuck with Mr. Gamgee and Mr. Frodo and Mr. Took, as they were escaping form the Black Rider, which is the massive Black shape, and the picture looks real because we use light to make pictures now instead of paint and it's on the ceiling because Chrysies and I are a little eccentric." Alex took a deep breath.

"How do you know this?" demanded Merry, though he was slowly realizing the answer.  
"It's quite simple, Mr. Brandybuck. You have traveled many ages forward in time. How I would like to know, but that is a tale for after a good supper. Anyway, your story-the story of the Quest-has been written down, and it is the same as those books you saw in Chrysies' window. Someone else made those books into a movie. Because of this book and movie, you, my friends, have millions of drooling fanatics like myself, and if word of your visit got around there would be more people here than you can imagine. Within a few hours you would be in pieces." Pippin shuddered.

"Why do they hate us so much?" Alex laughed.

"Hate you! My dear hobbit, aren't you listening, they ADORE you! And you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and yes, even you, Gimli." Alex chuckled again. "But come, enough of this horrible theorizing. Let us partake in the ample repast that awaits us!" With that, he led them to their seats at the dinner table.

During the meal, the Fellowship did not speak, and neither did their hosts. Chrysies, however, kept stealing looks at the odd combination of ordinary clothes on extraordinary people. When finally everyone had gulped down their last satisfying pint, Alex asked them to adjourn to the living room (a mere two feet away). With great glee he demonstrated the reclining properties of the leather couch and easy chair, the luxury of which none of the Fellowship had ever experienced. There were also two beanbags, beloved to Chrysies. Merry and Pippin instantly claimed them both for chairs and sleeping accommodations. The two Men reclined on the leather couch with Sam and Frodo in between. Gimli and Legolas took turns with the easy chair, till it got so annoying to Boromir he told them to sit still or else. So Legolas got the chair and Gimli reluctantly sat on the floor. Alex and Chrysies sat together on a loveseat.

"So you know everything that is going to happen during the Quest?" queried Boromir when all were settled comfortably.

"Well, not _everything," _smiled Chrysies. "But I know things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass." Alex whispered in her ear. She nudged him with her elbow. "Okay, he knows it too. But surely it is not customary for the host to tell a tale before the stranger?" Aragorn nodded, but showed no intention of telling it. Boromir saw the duty fell on him.

"This afternoon we were reclining around in the land of Lothlorien, a few weeks after Gandalf's fall in Moria..." By the time his short recap was finished, the Hobbits were fast asleep, Gimli was nodding, and Legolas was only pretending to be awake. Aragorn and Boromir himself were fast succumbing to their own sleepiness. Through mutual agreement, Chrysies got some blankets and an extra pillow for Gimli out of her closet, while Alex made sure they were comfortable.

"Such snoring!" remarked Chrysies to her husband at the rather formidable noise in an undertone. "I pity Arwen!" Alex spluttered, and held his nose for fear of laughing out loud. After he regained his composure, he slapped his thigh.

"Oh, Chrysies, I nearly forgot. The car is still at the repair garage, and they're closed the next two days."

"You asking me out?"

"Um-hum. Also, I hear from their story that Merry is intrigued by red cars." He hinted.

"And our red Corvette is still...ahha I get your drift. Let me get a sweater and turn out the lights."


	6. 06

By four-thirty in the morning Legolas could no longer contain himself quietly. He roughly woke Gimli and after much grumbling they made their way to the dark bathroom. Both had fair night vision, but Gimli remembered where the light switch was and turned it on.

"Close the door!" whispered the Elf cautiously. Gimli humbly obeyed. "Do you remember that picture of the blonde young human in the window? I want my hair like that." Gimli snickered.

"Which one?" then "I thought you were above humanity,"

"Perhaps, but this humanity is very advanced!" answered Legolas defensively. "Now help me out. From what Alex said, we need this, and this, and this..." Rolling his eyes, the Dwarf assisted Legolas in the frivolous endeavor.

The next to wake up were Frodo and Pippin, but when Sam noticed his master's movements he promptly squirmed away from the snoring Boromir. Tripping over his beanbag, Pippin bumped into the TV set, and happened to hit the power button. A golf tournament rerun appeared, but luckily the volume was very low. Frodo was too fascinated to give Pippin his intended scolding.

"That looks vaguely familiar, doesn't it, Pippin?"

"It does look similar to the game my parents play a lot-golf, I think."

"What I want to know, is how do they get people into this little box?" Sam said. Frodo shrugged.

"We'll have to ask our hosts." Pippin played with the buttons, and hit the power again.

"Oops." Again Frodo was about to reprimand him, but Sam interrupted.

"Where are Legolas and Gimli?"he whispered.

"Oh, who cares?" No longer interested, Pippin yawned and stretched. "I want a hot bath."

"I do too!"

"I said so first."

"I'm older."

"So?" Pippin headed for the bathroom. Frodo and Sam followed, but Sam stumbled over Merry's empty beanbag. They found him at the door.

"I got here first." He grinned, and opened the door. The hobbits stared at the spectacle in front of them.

"Good grief!" Legolas turned from the mirror and glared at them severely.

"What are you doing here?"

"We want a hot bath," said Merry, who was the only hobbit to find his voice. "Wwwhy-are you putting **SPIKES** in your hair?" Suddenly the other three hobbits burst into a fit of hysterical giggling. Even more put out, Legolas demanded

"What is so funny?" but he might as well have asked the wall. Gimli and Merry joined in the hysterics. Furious, Legolas combed the last spike into perfection and pushed his way out the door. Instantly Merry took advantage of the situation and started the bathwater, which restored the other hobbits' senses.

The sun was quite awake by the time the Hobbits finished their baths. Chrysies stumbled groggily into the bathroom after they had gone back to bed and found a good deal of water on the floor, and many bottles scattered over the vanity table.

"Males," she muttered with annoyance. "My hair gel!" Before she started breakfast she would make them clean it up! But a yell from her husband brought her running to the living room.

"What's the matter?" Alex, torn between horror and amusement, pointed at Legolas, who was sitting sullenly in a corner. Chrysies snerted, then literally collapsed on the floor. A minute later she got up and handed the hobbits towels. Over breakfast Alex laid out the activities.

"We're going to a movie. We're going to a bar. We're going for a whole bunch of car rides. If you want we can go on a subway. Sorry airplanes aren't possible today. We're going shopping. Oh, and the county fair. What else did we say, Chry?"

"Well, now that I think about it, that sounds like enough for one day," Alex reflected.

"Okay, we can do the other stuff tomorrow. Shopping's first, because you need clothes!" with a pointed glance at Gimli.

"Hey, you have to work tomorrow!"

"Hmph. You just want them all to yourself," he replied, and made a face.

When they all went down to the garage Chrysies chuckled gleefully. She opened the door of her red Corvette. Merry couldn't believe his eyes at first.

"We're riding in that?" he cried.

"Umhum." Chrysies assented, grinning broadly. Fascinated, he crawled all over the mobile, and finally settled into the driver seat.

"Oh, no, you're not driving!" said Chrysies firmly. "Move over. The rest of you just sit in the back, and Boromir you're in the passenger seat. So with Merry between Chrysies and Boromir in front, and the other three hobbits in the back, Chrysies pulled out.

"The brakes were faulty, so I had to get it fixed. That's why, luckily, I had to take the bus yesterday. There was no way we could fit all eight of you in here!"

"And we would have been totally lost taking the bus by ourselves," added Frodo.

The mall was an adventure unto itself, but Alex and Chrysies managed to keep them in line. The Company was at first aghast when they saw the outfits all hanging on racks instead of being tailored to fit the customer. The hobbits were of course obliged to look in the little boy's section. Chrysies considered this very embarrassing. In the end Alex took Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas (still bespiked) and Gimli to the Men's section and left Chrysies with the smallest members of the party. It took 3 hours. Next they all went to an IMAX theater across the street and watched a thriller on big screen. Later Aragorn said that he wasn't too thrilled: once you've met the Nazgul AND a Balrog everything else seems insignificant. Sam got his wish and Alex explained partially how a screen works. Unfortunately, he didn't understand a word. By then it was lunchtime, so they went to the Cheesecake Factory. Hanging out at the bar for the better part of an hour, the connoisseur hobbits declared the beer better than back home-except for Sam, who with a patriotic effort refused to admit such blasphemy. He still drank more than anybody else; he got sick over the raspberry cheesecake. Legolas proudly refused any beer, preferring wine. His superior expression coupled with the preposterous hairstyle caused Chrysies to choke on her scampi, as well as made the barkeeper neglect his work.

Determined to complete the agenda, Alex pushed the Fellowship out of the restaurant and into the cars. Though he didn't have to push Merry, who was dying for another ride. Immediately they set off for the county fair. On the way Alex further impressed on Aragorn, Legolas and Boromir and Frodo (who preferred their company) the danger of attracting the attention of rabid fangirls. It would be safe to say the poor Fellows were thoroughly scared. It being a weekday there wasn't a huge crowd yet on the fairgrounds, so Alex had no trouble buying a few yards of tickets. With a knowing grin at Chrysies he led the unsuspecting party straight to the Ferris wheel, handed the attendant three tickets each, and ushered them in the enclosure.

'What are we doing?" Frodo queried respectfully. Wickedly, Alex grinned wider.

"Going up. In you go!" and placed him on the nearest bench. Sam was soon beside his master, with Aragorn forced to sit between because of size complications. The inevitable Merry, Pippin and Boromir, and the more inevitable Legolas/Gimli combination were systematically loaded on. Alex and Chrysies decided not to go on themselves. Far above them Sam had his eyes tightly closed and was chanting "cruel, cruel, cruel". Frodo ventured one peep at the bird's eye view and followed suit. While the wheel was moving Chrysies had a twinge of conscience.

"They really don't like heights," she commented repentantly.

"Wait'll The Two Towers. They'll have plenty of heights. This is just a warm-up!" answered Alex.

Contrary to Chrysies' secret fears the Ferris wheel did not get stuck; and the Fellowship disembarked unsteady but safe. As a conciliatory gesture Alex bought hot dogs and cotton candy. Only Boromir enjoyed the candy. For the next three hours they engaged in many games of skill, at which the Fellowship won dozens of goldfish, stuffed toys, and other such memorabilia. Legolas and the hobbits proved to have the most skill at darts and ring tossing. Aragorn showed amazing ability with the water guns once he understood the concept. He solemnly swore to himself that no such weapon would ever be introduced to his future kingdom. Pippin, on the other hand, walked through The House of Mirrors and declared a burning desire to build such a wonder in the Smials. Unwilling to carry the loads, Alex bought three large wagons off a few mystified 4H kids hauling feed to their respective animals. At one point the party passed a stage where a country singer was singing his lungs out.

"Sounds a lot like Gimli," Aragorn observed. Chrysies stared at him.

"Why, he's considered one of the best singers in the country!" she exclaimed. Aragorn shook his head.

"If it wasn't rude I'd say the country has poor taste," Grimacing, Chrysies swallowed her feelings and moved on.

The sun was low in the west when the exhausted companions turned their footsteps towards the gates. Halfway there Chrysies thought she heard someone call her name. She was right. A young lady with a stroller and a five-year-old at her side hurried to catch up with them. Alex's reaction was to whisper "rabid fan girl" to the Fellowship. Which may be classified as a mistake: the Fellowship started to run. While Alex frantically tried to get them under control, Chrysies turned with a frozen smile only because she could not escape from the iron hand on her shoulder. The woman got to her point quickly.

"Where are they?"

"Who? How are you, Amanda? Thought you came yesterday!"

"Don't play games. I have thirty others behind me. Turn them over!" Chrysies wondered if she was bluffing.

"Wow, how did you all get here...?" Amanda smiled smugly.

"Cell phones, darlin', cell phones. Come on girls!" Out of the milling crowd, females of all ages came running and surrounded Chrysies.

"Where are they?" "Where's Frodo?" "Strider!" "Legolas!" "No, Strider!" "What are you talking about? Pippin's da man-er-hobbit!" Chrysies stared about her helplessly. Her husband and the Fellowship were nowhere to be seen. All she could hope was they had had the sense to get a bus and run for home. The noisy fans were getting noisier.

"Here!"she had to shout to be heard. "They won all that stuff in the wagons themselves!" Thirty-one fans demolished the wagons in seconds, but those seconds were enough for Chrysies to run for her life.


	7. 07

"The animal survival instincts kicked in, it wasn't entirely your fault," Alex comforted the much embarrassed and still scared Fellowship as they walked out of the subway station. Boromir seemed to be the most conscience stricken.

"How could we leave our hostess in their hands?" Alex patted him on the shoulder.

"She knows how to handle them. Just watch. Now when we get home, we'll have a good meal and fortifying drinks, and then you can go to bed. This has been a very stressful day."

"I need a smoke," said Merry melancholicly."I have some weed, but our pipes are in Lorien." Alex smiled slyly.

"We'll see about that!"

True to his word, they had a good supper. But there were shrieks of joy when Alex disappeared into a room they hadn't noticed before and returned with a collection of pipes. Soon he had to open all the windows for the smoke. Even so the fire alarm went off and the Fellowship cowered with hands over ears until Alex temporarily removed the batteries. Having gotten everybody relaxed, Legolas stood near the biggest window overlooking the rear recreational center. For a while he observed quietly, then called Alex to his side.

"That's your wife, I think, sneaking up to the door. She looks tired."

"I'd better go help her. Stay out of trouble!" Running, he reached her just as she put her hand on the stair banister. She looked exhausted.

"Don't let them go out there. Fan girls approach from the west."

"FangirlS?"

"Amanda has an army."

"We'll call the police if they try anything,"

"Yeah, and tell them to bring a helluva lot of bullets! What good are police against them? I'm so tired. I lost my car keys, so I ran for a mile till I found a bus, which was stuffed. Then I realized it was going the wrong way, so I had to walk another two miles before..."

"It's not that we aren't grateful for your hospitality, but we have to continue our Quest," explained Aragorn dutifully.

"You do have to go back sometime," agreed Chrysies from her recliner in a tired voice.

"But we don't know how," he hinted. She yawned.

"Did you try clicking your heels together three times and saying "There's no place like home"?" Mystified, Aragorn made everyone get up and try it, because he wasn't about to do it alone. Of course it didn't work.

"Tell us again how you got here."Alex requested thoughtfully. When they finished, he wasn't much wiser. "Well, getting wet isn't the problem, and Galadrial's Mirror no longer exists in Arda-"Someone banged on the door, hard. Chrysies jumped to her feet.

Over the intercom, she asked who it was, though she thought she knew.

"Joseph Hamm. For heaven's sake get these-"Joseph was promptly gagged.

"They're here. They've caught our next-door-neighbor. Quick, get into the fan room." Alex pushed the bewildered Fellowship into the very same room he'd gotten the pipes from.

"Don't touch ANYTHING," he warned, locked the door and walked away to face the invaders. Despite their worries, the companions inspected the small room with great interest. It featured nearly every collectable imaginable, and there were two shelves full of practically every edition of LOTR. Towards this shelf they irresistibly gravitated. Frodo reached out to take one, the very first Houghton Mifflin in fact, but Boromir stopped him.

"He said not to touch," Frodo let his hand drop to his side reluctantly. They turned towards the door, where they heard a great deal of arguing and shrieking. Alex and Chrysies were losing the fight fast. Police arrived with wailing sirens, but at the same time the mad fans rushed into the apartment, tearing up everything in the living room, searching the kitchen cupboards, even the refrigerator! The bathroom was ransacked in the same way over and over again as waves of females moved in. They broke several lamps in the bedroom, and all the towels in the linen closet were tossed on the floor recklessly but for a while they didn't seem to notice the last room. Finally Amanda turned and saw it.

"Here they are!" she shouted, and rattled the knob with all the determination of a madwoman. Inside the Fellowship was aghast.

"They are coming!"

"We cannot get out!"  
"I wish Gandalf was here." Suddenly, Pippin said,

"Come look at this!" He had FOTR-still closed- in his hands.

"What are you doing?"

"Never mind, come and look!" Merry and Frodo had now joined him. Knowing there was nothing else they could do they gave in to curiosity and either shared or grabbed a book of their own. But the instant they opened them, a slight dizziness, the nerve-racking noise and dark blue carpet faded away...and they were back in Lorien.

When they could see properly, they stepped back from Galadrial's Mirror hurriedly, and wondered what had happened, for obviously it had all taken but a moment.

"I think I understand now," said Frodo thoughtfully. "We could see the past, present and future in the Mirror, AND in the books. They're almost the same thing."

"I knew that all along," sniffed Legolas, his spikes drooping drearily.

"Did not," said all the others in a tired voice.

Sheepishly they turned to go, only to see Galadrial herself at the edge of the glade, frowning a most fearsome frown. They ran for their lives.

Afterword 

Galadrial was very displeased with the Fellowship, which was why she sent them away the very next day, though under the semblance of friendship. Among the Companions themselves the memory grew quickly dim, which led to quarrels about what really happened, thus furthering the rift between the Fellows.

THE END 


End file.
